How can I make friends as an adult?

Making friends as an adult is different than in school, where friendship often happened naturally through proximity. As an adult, it requires a bit more intention and "showing up" in the right places. Here are a few ways to build those connections:

1. Leverage the Power of "Repeated Exposure" Friendships are built on familiarity. The best way to make friends is to join a group or class that meets at the same time and place every week. Whether it’s a run club, a pottery class, a language group, or a board game night, seeing the same people consistently removes the awkwardness of meeting strangers.

2. Turn Acquaintances into Friends Often, we have acquaintances—people we know from work, the gym, or the neighborhood—but we never bridge the gap to friendship. Try moving the interaction outside of the original context. A simple, "I’m going to grab a coffee/drink after this, would you like to join?" is usually all it takes to shift the dynamic.

3. Use Your Interests as an Anchor It is much easier to talk to people when you have a shared activity to focus on. If you enjoy hiking, search for local hiking groups. If you like reading, look for a local book club. Being part of a community centered around a hobby gives you an instant conversation starter.

4. Be the One to Initiate Many people are lonely and want to be asked to do something, but they are waiting for someone else to make the first move. By being the one to suggest a hangout—even if it’s just grabbing lunch or visiting a museum—you take the pressure off everyone else and become the catalyst for the friendship.

5. Volunteer Volunteering connects you with people who share your values. Because you are working together toward a common, positive goal, it creates a sense of camaraderie that is a natural foundation for a friendship.

6. Don’t Aim for "Best Friends" Immediately Friendship is a ladder. Start by aiming for "a nice person to chat with," then "someone I see regularly," then "someone I grab coffee with," and eventually, "a friend." If you look for deep, instant intimacy, you might miss the chance to build a genuine, slower-growing connection.

7. Use Apps with Intention There are apps designed specifically for making friends, like Bumble BFF or local Meetup groups. While they can feel a bit odd at first, they are a great way to signal to others that you are actively looking to meet new people.

A final thought: Being friendly is a skill, and it’s okay if it feels a little rusty at first. Most people are more open to making new friends than you might think—they are just as nervous as you are.

Is there a particular interest or activity you have that you think could be a good starting point for meeting people?